Jacqui's Room

Jacqui's Room Topics You Missed Because You Don't Live in My Head

2010-01-04T20:51:00.003-05:00

I had so many things to tell you while I was in Argentina. Turns out I CAN go ten days with no internet, no cell phone, no email, and no day care. What I CANNOT do is stop thinking of things about which to write. But, one of my new year's resolutions is to live in the present, so I'm not going to try to recapture the inspiration. Here's what you missed:

1. If You're Gonna Have Family Drama, There Might As Well Be Actual Wild Monkeys Around

2. The Power of Words: A lengthy discussion of how we trick ourselves into thinking the word we use for a thing is somehow infused with the essence of that thing so that someone who does not speak our language at all should somehow understand anyway if we just say the word loudly and expressively enough. Punctuated by examples from Tinkerbell and others and involving a joke about monkey bars.

3. Dear Guaraní People, So Sorry Your New Year's Day Purifying Dip in the Iguazú Falls** Was Ruined By the Shrieks of My Son And If You Find the Piece of My Husband's Chin That He Bit Off, That's Okay, You Can Keep It.

4. Dulce de Leche, Nectar of the Gods. Includes references to Proust and the parallels between his experience with the madeleines and my tasting this caramel-like goodness for the first time since childhood. Also: elaborate fantasy involving dulce de leche crepes.

5. Why You Can Never Check Anything Off Your Parental To Do List/The Un-Power of Words. In which I have to explain the concept of death to Destructo for the fourth time in two months because he has heard "going to find Grandpa's dada's grave" as "going to find Grandpa's dada and bring him home with us." And other deep thoughts on family history, childhood, the random migration of people and families, and Brooklyn.

And, my favorite,

6. What Will Happen If Immigration Thinks You Are Accidentally Smuggling Diseased Horse Poop Into the U.S.

** At least, that's what I was told was going on; for all I know they were tourists from Duluth.

I am...

2009-12-23T20:28:00.000-05:00

unplugged.

See you in 2010.*

* Does that sound totally sci-fi to anyone else?

Wanna Buy Some Picture Books as Presents? Try These.

2009-12-22T10:14:00.000-05:00

Tara Lazar asked me to name my top three picture books of 2009 for her Best Picture Books of 2009 list. She ended up with a great list (go check it out), but I was all, "Really, Tara? Three?! Why don't I also pick my favorite two toes and one doughnut flavor, while I'm at it?"

So for my own list, I'm cheating. I'm doing five, including the three I gave Tara and two other favorites, any of which could have made the top three.

Here goes:

1. Two of a Kind
story by me
art by Matt Phelan

Let's get the shameless self-love out of the way: I would be lying if I didn't pick Two of a Kind. Michael Sussman refrained from mentioning Otto Grows Down, citing modesty. But let's be honest. 1. I am not that modest, and 2. I'd like to be cool enough to pretend I didn't dance like a four year-old fairy girl whenever I turn to the page with my name on it. But I'm not. And I do. More than that, though, I still love the story and the way it makes kids nod in recognition.

2. Duck! Rabbit!
by Amy Krouse Rosenthal & Tom Lichtenheld

I was smitten with this book from the start. The concept is simple: is it a duck or a rabbit? Two voices argue. Giggling ensues. As I blogged in July, we get extra giggling in our house because Destructo does not have the cognitive ability to see it both ways and so he thinks the point of the book is that some poor dope thinks that bunny's a duck.

3. A Book
by Mordecai Gerstein

Kirkus called it "Metafiction for the picture-book set." A young girl who lives in the book with her family struggles to find her story, trying on different genres and marveling at the giant mushy faces (that's us) looking in on her. It's funny, it's smart, and it is truly unique. Plus, we read it five hundred times in the first month we had it and I never tired of it.

4. Thunder Boomer
by Shutta Crum, illus. Carol Thompson

I just searched my blog and I only briefly recommended this book to you. This is a big mistake. The only reason this wasn't on my top three list is that I thought I'd already blabbed enough about it all over the intrawebs. If you have a kid or are a kid or want to write picture books or if you are afraid of storms or if you love storms or if you think underwear is funny and kittens are cute, you should GO BUY THIS BOOK TODAY. Shutta Crum writes simply beautiful prose-poetry, the illustrations are gorgeous, and the story of the family, the storm that hits their farm, and the surprise they find afterwards is lovely. Don't take my word for it: School Library Journal and the Smithsonian both chose it as one of the best books of the year.

5. You Never Heard of Sandy Koufax?!
by Jonah Winter, André Carrilho

I totally forgot this one was from this year!. The text below is stolen from my original post about it.

Why you must love it: Because you must love Sandy Koufax, who struggled and overcame and stood up for his beliefs and retired on top. And was a good guy, it seems. The voice is perfect and the story has what I consider the perfect level of information for a picture book biography.*

Caveat: The illustrations. I like them and they're very cool, but the faces are warped and it freaked Destructo out quite a bit: "Why he YOOK yike dat? He really yook yike dat?"

There it is. That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it. Unless I see something else I forgot about that's awesome. Or someone offers doughnuts.

So, what are YOUR top three (or five) picture books of 2009? Discuss.

Snow day!

2009-12-20T21:02:00.003-05:00

I love me a good snow day. We didn't get more than an inch here in Michigan, but it's still lovely.

In New York City, where you'd think people would be maximally cynical about the magic of a ton of snow, instead, there's this.

That made my day. Points to NYC.

The Buzzard in My Buick

2009-12-17T07:29:00.000-05:00

It's been too long since we had a good Thursday News of the Absurd Will Someone Please Write This Book Inspirational Moment (TNoftheAWSPWTBIM). And then in flew, er, walked this.

From Yahoo!News/AP:

Big bird gets talon caught in DC Metro escalator

That's a big bird, not THE Big Bird, who clearly is talon-free and rich enough to take taxis. Apparently, some kind of large bird of prey that nobody could identify (Really? Nobody had an iPhone and an image search?! Strong reporting there, AP) tried to walk onto the escalator down into the subway and got his talon caught. Rescuers from the fire department were able to "remove a portion of the escalator" and free the bird, who then spent several hours atop a nearby gas station.

Onlookers were puzzled by the bird's behavior. I am not puzzled. Obviously, he is trying to get somewhere. You can't get a cab in DC in bad weather. The subway was a humiliating failure, so now he's at the gas station, hoping to thumb a ride. Talon a ride.

There's a book in the question of where he's going. But I want the picture book story of the ride he thumbs.

Stevie's grandmother isn't supposed to drive anywhere because she can barely see. But she does it anyway. And she's too good-hearted to turn down the hitchhiker she picks up at the gas station, no matter how much he smells of road kill. Now he and Stevie are strapped into car seats in the back of her Buick, sucking at sippy cups and tossing each other goldfish.

You can go two ways here: either it's the story of Stevie's new friendship (called The Buzzard in My Buick, of course) or it's a hilarious tale of all the indignations the bird suffers on his trip: stuck in the subway, back of the Buick, trapped at the back of the plane beside a family on their way home from Disney World, cringing while the other birds circling the air balloon mocking him...

Wait! Maybe he's AFRAID OF HEIGHTS. Possibilities abound.

Who will write me this book?

December is looking up

2009-12-14T20:48:00.000-05:00

How could it not be, with surprise reviews popping up to make me smile?

Check out the kind, kind words about Two of a Kind at 100 Scope Notes and The HappyNappyBookseller.

How We Celebrate Hanukkah At My House

2009-12-11T13:10:00.001-05:00

an original blog play in three acts

Act I: Why I Want To Growl At People Who Ask My Jewish Kids If Santa Is Coming
Destructo awakes, rubs his sleepy eyes, and looks out the window.
DESTRUCTO: Snow!
JACQUI: Yes, it's snowing. Hurrah!
DESTRUCTO: Santa come today!
JACQUI: Huh?
DESTRUCTO: Santa come when it snows.
JACQUI: Well, kind of. He comes on Christmas.
DESTRUCTO: It Kissmas!
JACQUI: No.
DESTRUCTO: But it SNOWING!
JACQUI: It's almost Christmas. But today is a special holiday too. Do you know what?
DESTRUCTO: Kissmas?
JACQUI: No, it's HANUKKAH. And you know what that means?
DESTRUCTO: Santa comes!
JACQUI: No. We get to have a Hanukkah party. In fact, we get to have a party every night for the next eight nights.
DESTRUCTO: (warming to the idea) Wif treats?
JACQUI: Yup. And games and prizes and chocolate coins!
DESTRUCTO: Hurrah!
JACQUI: And tonight, you get to open a present --
DESTRUCTO: From Santa!
JACQUI: (bangs head on menorah)

Act II: Things Tink Is Not Getting For Hanukkah
JACQUI: So, Tink, anything special you want for Hanukkah?
TINK: A dog.
JACQUI: Ha! I mean, um, maybe. Anything else?
TINK: A guinea pig. Or a hamster. Something in that family.
JACQUI: Is that the small rodents that smell family?
TINK: Guinea pigs don't smell.
JACQUI: Rarely have less true words been spoken.
TINK: What?
JACQUI: Nothing. What else?
TINK: A snake.
THOR: No way.*
TINK: A lizard, a turtle, a tree frog.
JACQUI: Tink, what do you want for Hanukkah that isn't alive?
TINK: Nothing. How about a cat?
JACQUI: We have two cats. You can have them.
TINK: But I want a new cat.
JACQUI: I tell you what. I'll get them groomed and bathed and you can start being in charge of them.
TINK: They'll be my cats?
JACQUI: They'll be your cats.
TINK: I get to rename them.
JACQUI: Sure.
And that is how my twelve year-old cats, who thought they couldn't fall any further into cat purgatory, got new names. Meet "Shimmer"

and "Hairball." The look on Shimmer's face should sum up his feelings on this matter.

* Note: Thor has an abiding and unmanly fear of snakes.

Act III: Peace on Earth, Donut to All

TINK: Mama, we talked about "Shalom" at Hebrew School today. It's cool how it means peace and hello and goodbye.
JACQUI: Yeah. It's like you're wishing people peace every time you say hello.
TINK: Donut.
JACQUI: What?
TINK: I want a donut.
JACQUI: Oh, I thought you were wishing me donut.
TINK: Hee hee. I was wishing me donut.
JACQUI: Well, donut to you too. Oh, that felt good. I am definitely doing this from now on.
TINK: Me too. Nice talking to you. Donut.
(they crack up)
So, throughout this holiday season, Tink and I will be saying "donut" instead of hello or goodbye or peace. Because we can all use more donut in the world.

Happy Hanukkah, and donut to all of you.

December do-over

2009-12-09T21:00:00.002-05:00

I am here. I know it's been a while. Remember when I said December was going to rock? December has not rocked. In fact, December has the opposite of rocked. So far December has featured such highlights as a 4-shot vaccination,* finding out I have four cavities, and my grandmother's funeral.

Needless to say, we will be starting December over. In January. Until then, I am burying myself in sparkly lights, good books, and pie. I'll be around, checking in, but I can't promise anything consistent. And, of course, if anything hilarious arises, you'll be the first to know.

* ninety-minutes, 4-shots (for each of us); for Tink's I had to physically pin her to the chair while she fought the shots and screamed, "I'M GONNA DIE!"

Why not to check "this one thing"

2009-12-04T09:19:00.007-05:00

I was having one of "those" mornings. You know: where you hate everyone, most of all yourself, and only coffee will help.

"Forget you all," I told them (in my head). "I'm going to write." I had my earphones ready. "First, I'm going to check this one thing on the internet." Of course, that one thing led me somewhere else. Which led me to StatCounter.

Where I learned that the two most recent ways people have found this blog are by Googling "piggybottoms" and "Jacqui sucks."

Now even coffee won't work.

Why baking cookies is like writing my book

2009-12-03T09:08:00.000-05:00

I made cookies yesterday with Destructo. The directions said, "Grease two baking sheets." So when the recipe was all measured and mixed and ready, I tried to divide the dough into a reasonable number of cookies to fit onto two cookie sheets. Then I looked at the recipe. "Makes six dozen cookies," it said.

Hmm, I thought. Six dozen cookies are unlikely to fit on the two cookie sheets they told me to grease. Probably, I should make these much smaller. But then they won't fit on two cookie sheets. Well, I could get more cookie sheets. I could do several batches. I could freeze the leftover dough for another day. I could do a lot of reasonable things, all of which require energy and also the acceptance of moving in what feels like a backwards direction.

Or, I could leave the cookies as they are and bake them. Which is what I did. And, of course, the cookies all ran into one another and the edges got much more done and the cookies are hexagonal where I had to use a spatula to separate them. They are fine. They taste fine. But they're probably not as great as they could have been if I weren't so lazy.

So then I went to critique group. I brought my new book, the one I'm so in love with. They liked it. A lot. But they raised a concern, a big one. The same concern Tink had when she read it. To address it, I'll need to go back do a lot of rewriting and trashing of what I've already written. Which requires a lot of energy and also the acceptance of moving in what feels like a backwards direction.

Probably, it'll be fine the way it is. But unlike cookies, I'm not willing to settle for "fine." So I must overcome this "get things accomplished" instinct, this desire to fast draft, to cross things off my to do list, to feel "productive." The truth is that writing isn't a linear activity. It's a swirling and stopping, fits and starts, jags of genius/weeks of drivel rollercoaster that does not always even move forwards. Type type type...delete delete delete.

So today, I am back to the beginning.

Ah, well. At least I have cookies.

The Best Writing Tool I Have...

2009-12-02T07:55:00.001-05:00

... is these.

I don't even listen to music. I just wear them.

Because the fact is this: when I was a teacher, I was in my classroom unable to be reached all day. Nobody ever said, "I know you're working, but..." or "Do you have to teach the WHOLE day?"

Nobody ever asks a surgeon to make a quick run to the airport an hour away.

But people ignore the fact that I'm writing -- that I'm a writer -- all. the. time.

And here is a secret: I am not always strong enough to say, "No, I can't. I am writing." Because of course a surgeon's patients will die if he runs off to the airport. Nobody's going to die if my paragraph goes unfinished.

But that doesn't mean it's fair to ask me. And it doesn't mean I should say yes. Nobody in the world will respect my writing time, if I can't.

So, I have the earphones. And the basement office where the phone can't reach.

And some advice for this December: love your family and friends. Spend time with them and do nice things for them. Be excited to celebrate whatever you celebrate.

But, when it's time, DO NOT FEEL BAD about announcing, "I have to go write." Do not let anyone talk you out of it. Leave the drama and the guilt and the wrapping paper where they are and escape into your story.

And bring your earphones.

And just like that, December falls on me

2009-12-01T00:02:00.001-05:00

It's December! Which means one thing.

Well, yeah, it means I have to do all those things I blew off because November was so busy. But that's not what I mean.

Well, yeah, it means Michigan winter is here and Destructo's teachers are strongly suggesting he bring "proper winter attire," which apparently does not mean a sweatshirt, some old cowboy boots of his sister's and a foam tiara. But that's not what I mean either.

Well, yeah, it means the already glacially slow publishing world grinds to a frozen and frustrating halt. But who wants to think about that?!

Because it's December. And that means snow and frost and holidays that are all about lighting sparkly lights and singing songs and presents. And top ten lists and best book of the year lists and auld lang syne and, well, hurrah hurrah hurrah!

Stick around. I've decided it: December is going to rock.

It's the last day...

2009-11-30T08:14:00.002-05:00

... of NaNoWriMo, and I only have ONE MILLION words to go in my novel.

How about you?

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T09:26:00.000-05:00

I want to write something deep and thankful. But I can't get this song out of my head.

Happy Thanksgiving to all. See you in December.

*Note: these are not my kids.

This Week's Library Haul

2009-11-23T05:29:00.000-05:00

Here is an unintended trend this week: authors writing books about things that clearly actually happened to those authors as adults.

The Bear Upstairs
by Shirley Mozelle, illus. Doug Cushman

The writer bear downstairs is upset when a VERY LOUD BEAR moves in upstairs and interrupts her quiet life of tea and typing. Fortunately, he owns her book and wins her over her with omelets.

Destructo didn't really understand the joke here that the downstairs bear is charmed by the upstairs bear being a fan, or that she's pleased he'll be gone at work all day starting the next week. Tink got it and kind of giggled. Mainly, though, the fun is in reading out loud -- VERY LOUD -- the noises the upstairs bear makes.

The Great Gracie Chase
by Cynthia Rylant, illus. Mark Teague

Gracie (like the upstairs bear) likes a quiet life. When the painters come and make a ton of noise and put her outside, she runs away. The whole town chases her. When they collapse, tuckered out, she goes home. At the end of the book, the author bio reveals that Cynthia Rylant has a dog named Gracie.

The illustrations of Gracie in this book are so darn cute that I had to like it. Also, I love how simply it explains the quintessential dog act of taking off running and then, seemingly with no reason, turning around and coming home. Gracie had to run, Rylant tells us. People were chasing her.

Parental bragging moment: Tinkerbell pointed out that most of the book is from Gracie's point of view (though it's written in 3rd person). However, the text twice says, "Silly little dog," which bothered Tink because "Gracie would never call herself silly." She's a GENIUS, I tell you. Seriously, I wish most adults who write for kids could understand that subtle difference.

And then there's the authors writing about things that clearly happen to real children, over and over and over...

Sheila Rae, the Brave
by Kevin Henkes

Sheila Rae is not afraid of anything, but her sister Louise is a scaredy-cat. Er, scaredy-mouse. Anyway, one day Sheila Rae gets lost and Louise gets to be the brave one and rescue her.

I love me some Kevin Henkes. This despite the fact that EVERY SINGLE one of his books breaks rule #8 of Jacqui's Cardinal Rules for Picture Books: "the kid must solve his own problem." Whenever I talk about #8 in a workshop, someone says, "But what about Kevin Henkes?!" Well, what about him? The man is a picture book making genius and if you can make books like Kevin Henkes you have my permission to break nine of my rules. The rule you may not break is #6, on not talking down to kids and not moralizing to them, because this is what makes Henkes so great: he ALWAYS writes from the kid's point of view and never trivializes their concerns.

In any case, my kids loved this book.

One For Me, One For You
by C.C. Cameron, illus. Grace Lin*

This is my favorite book of the week. Two animals have a playdate. They do okay sharing four cookies, but then there are only three trucks. Tears, pulling, and time-outs ensue.

This book is in rhyme, with maybe 10-15 words on a page. The text is sparse ("If I take three, it's fine with me, but..."), yet Destructo and I knew exactly what was going on. And what was going on is near and dear to the two/three year old soul.

Richard Scarry's the Great Pie Robbery and Other Mysteries

Destructo loves mysteries. This is entirely because Tinkerbell is making her way through all my old Nancy Drew books and all the Encyclopedia Browns in the library. So when we saw a Busytown book with mysteries, it was a must have.

The first time I picked up a Richard Scarry book with my own kids, I wanted to scoff. The mom is always in the kitchen, etc. But when I opened it, my heart went "Oh. Aw. I remember that." and filled with warm. The illustration details are hilarious. The stories are fun. And the mysteries in this one are just solvable enough to be interesting for preschoolers. We have read it seven million times.

Rainbow Fairies (assorted Pet Fairies and Weather Fairies)
No author listed, which should tell you something.

Tink had these recommended to her by a friend who hates to read but loves these books. I am all for her friend, who would not read otherwise, reading them. But Tink refusing to read the genius that is Karen Hesse's Sable because she is reading about Shannon the Ocean Fairy is like, like, well, I don't know what it's like, but it makes me want to BANG MY HEAD. Hard.

* links to websites for artist and author not working

Bits of yumminess

2009-11-20T05:31:00.001-05:00

1. I had two great critique groups this week and now I am even more excited about my new love affair. Writing, writing, writing... I love it when it's like this.

2. The Winter Blog Blast Tour ends today (boo hoo). You can find the whole week's worth of awesome at Chasing Ray's Master Schedule. Truly, there is some fantasticness and inspiration to be found. Today, you can go see:

Lisa Schroeder at Writing & Ruminating
Alan DeNiro at Shaken & Stirred
Joan Holub at Bildungsroman
Pam Bachorz at MotherReader
Sheba Karim at Finding Wonderland
Robin LaFevers at HipWriterMama

3. I don't know what you heard, but nobody around here is taking the rest of the day off to do anything having to do anything with this. Nope. No sirree Bob.

Mmm. It's like doughnuts for your brain.

Five Reasons Why...

2009-11-18T07:43:00.001-05:00

...you must love Little Willow.

1. She created my totally awesome and other adjectives of praise sweet new website! Go check it out. Fabulous, eh? I am in love with the little stars.

2. During the making of said website (did you go look yet? Why not?!), she was unfazed by my multiple mind-changings, lengthy delays in response, and failure to deliver certain copy, like, ever.

3. She made The New Girl...And Me one her of "best books of September 2009," so you know she has great taste.

4. She reads A LOT of young adult books, reviews them intelligently and fairly, and believes in the power they have to help kids beyond the pages of the book. To wit: her list of YA books that deal with tough issues teens face, categorized by issue.

5. She interviews fantastic people like...ME. Yup, I'm over at Bildungsroman today as part of the Winter Blog Blast Tour. PLEASE come by and say hi, okay?

A Day in the Life

2009-11-19T10:18:00.002-05:00

I recently read Annie Dillard's The Writing Life, in which she describes the daily schedules of herself and other prolific, well-known authors. It's remarkable how similar MY daily schedule is to hers. Here, for example, is Wednesday's schedule:

6:00 am Get off red-eye flight on Atheneum jet home from Bildungsroman.
6:30 am Yoga, quiet meditation
7:30 am Pensive walk through woods behind house
8:15 am Chop firewood, make coffee, 100% organic whole wheat banana pancakes
8:45 am Kiss children (who have quietly prepared themselves for the school day) off to school
9:00 am Write 1,700 words.
11:00 am Stop at local independent bookstore to pick up Thor's manifesto on Faust. Be mobbed by adoring fans.
12:00 pm Luncheon with two of smartest women I know. Discuss educational philosophy and the gifted student, transcendental characters in literary theory, and Dante.
1:00 pm Write 1,700 more words.
3:00 pm Soup kitchen
4:30 pm Pick children up from school. Serve homemade organic blueberry muffins with 2 pounds spinach (from our hydroponic greenhouse!) blended into batter.
5:00 pm Work with children to thresh wheat, harvest squash, etc. for hand-rolled gnocchi with fall vegetables.
6:00 pm Family volunteer night at local animal shelter
7:00 pm Family dinner. Discuss highlights and lowlights of everyone's day in calm, non-combative atmosphere. Brainstorm together possible solutions for individual difficulties. End by linking arms and singing Kumbaya.
8:00 pm Family read aloud from classics in children's literature
8:30 pm Children sleeping peacefully. Romantic dessert with Thor.
9:15 pm Write 1,700 more words. Also, re-tile master bathroom and plant 150 tulip bulbs.
10:00 pm Make tomorrow's lunches, pick tomorrow's outfits, clean house, get breakfast ready to go, brush cats, hang "reminder" notes for kids.
10:15 pm Yoga, floss, 15 minutes organic avocado anti-aging mask
10:35 pm Read this year's dense but rewarding Booker/Nobel/Pulitzer Prize winner.
11:00 pm Fall soundly asleep. Dream plot to best-selling and literary masterpiece.

What? You don't believe me? But who would read a writing book that tells the truth about the daily schedule...

6:00 am Give up trying to get toddler back to sleep. Get up.
6:30 am Have already said, "Don't touch that" 15 times. Hear toddler wake up sister.
6:31 am "What was that?!" "She hit me!" "Did not! Besides, he woke me up!"
7:30 am Everyone downstairs for breakfast of frozen waffles. Make lunches, locate coats, hates, and one glove each, give up on lost library book. Forget to feed cats.
8:15 am Discover green booger-like slime ball in container of soy milk. Do not vomit.
8:17 am Announce, "We are leaving NOW."
8:35 am Leave.
8:45 am Kiss daughter. Throw her in general vicinity of school.
9:00 am Stop at local independent bookstore to pick up Thor's book on the NBA. Try to keep son from eating books in front of proprietor.
11:00 am Storyhour at library.
12:00 pm Luncheon with two of smartest women I know. Discuss educational philosophy and the gifted student, transcendental characters in literary theory, and snot.
1:00 pm Pick daughter up early from school for the big "buy a new fish" adventure.
1:15 pm To PetCo. Choose new fish. Return home.
1:45 pm Wash rocks for fish tank. Son falls while climbing. Try to determine if that is actually a missing chunk of tongue he has bitten off.
2:00 pm Flood daughter's dresser with overflowed fish water.
2:30 pm Son consumes mouthful of dried fish flakes.
3:00 pm Blue's Clues. Attempt to write.
4:30 pm Release fish into tank of water. Assure children fish are acclimated.
5:00 pm Realize dinner of salmon was risky choice given the new pets. Assure children that salmon eat zebrafish and that zebrafish will be thrilled we have turned the tables.
5:30 pm Make chicken nuggets.
6:00 pm Family dinner. At no point will all four members of family be seated, nor will anyone be allowed to finish a sentence. End by checking on fish, who seem sluggish. Assure children fish are adjusting to new home.
8:00 pm Family read aloud from Richard Scarry's Busytown Mysteries. Again.
8:30 pm Twitter.
9:15 pm Fall asleep writing own story.
9:30 pm Brush teeth. Sort of.
10:00 pm Read Bobby vs. Girls (Accidentally).
11:00 pm Fall asleep. Dream brilliant solution to thorny plot problems. Forget it immediately.

7:00 am Flush dead fish.

Sigh.

The Least You Need to Know: How to Write a Picture Book

2009-11-13T12:21:00.001-05:00

Lately, I've had a ton of questions about picture books from people who are just starting to write them. I realized this: I have very strong opinions on what makes a good picture book. Here they are...

Jacqui's Rules/Suggestions/Thoughts

1. Read 100 first.
Immerse yourself in the great picture books that are already written. Start with Fuse #8’s list of the Top 100 Picture Books of All Time.Check out the Jacqui's Room top ten list. Ask your local librarian. Ask a five year old. Read them all. Study what you like and don't like. Eavesdrop on story time and hear what kids like. Then go write, but don't try to sound like a picture book. Write something totally different.

2. Picture books have 500-700 words. Or fewer.
When the act of sounding out each word is hard for readers, you need to make every word count. Plus, you don't want to be that book parents hide because it's too long for bedtime.

3. Picture books are 32 pages long.
1 half page to start, 14 two page spreads, and 1 half page to end.

Don't think about this while you write your story, or when you format it for publishers (if you do). But when you're done, make a "dummy" version of the book where you split the text into pages and imagine the art for each page. If your story won't fit the format, you may need to revise.

4. Each page much have something newly illustratable.
Nobody wants to read a book where ten pictures in a row show the grandma and kid talking. Something new has to happen on each page.

5. The text of your story must stand alone.
Don't write with art directions or explanations. Use your words to draw the pictures in your reader's head. If you have to explain the story, figure out a way to make those things clear in the text.

6. Don't talk down to children or moralize to them.
On talking down: Kids are young; they are not stupid. In fact, they are much harder to write for than adults. Kids' problems may seem small or cute to you, but to the kids they are everything. Don't write "top down." Put yourself in their shoes.

On moralising: I am guessing you never got really excited about a book because someone told you, "This is going to teach you about compassion!" Focus on a story, not a lesson.

7. Your story must have a beginning, a middle, and an end.
Good stories do.

8. Your story must have a conflict or a problem, and that problem must be solved by the kid.
Without a problem, it's hard to have a story where I care what happens. And if the kid doesn't solve it, how can kids feel great about it?

9. Show, don't tell.
I want the juicy details. Don't tell me how she feels; put me in her shoes.

10. If you write in rhyme, your rhyme and meter must be perfect.
Absolutely perfect. If I am six years old and I try to sound out your book letter by painstaking letter, I rely on your rhyme and meter to help me read. If I'm a parent, I am far more likely to read your book if it makes my mouth happy to do so.

If you are writing in rhyme,
Make it rhyme all of the time,
Don't let your meter get wonky,
And put too many syllables in your not-really-rhyming pay-off line.

11. Forget numbers 2-10 until your story is written. Just start writing. Worry about the rules later.
And have fun.

Winter Blog Blast Tour

2009-11-16T09:13:00.000-05:00

The Winter Blog Blast Tour is here! What's a Winter Blog Blast Tour? It's an invention of Chasing Ray's. It's a series of author interviews. It's a traveling conversation about writing and books. It's a party.

And I am much excited to be a part of it. I'll be over at Bildungsroman on Wednesday, talking picture books with Little Willow. Check out the whole week of fun at Chasing Ray. Here's today's line-up.

Megan Whalen Turner at Hip Writer Mama: "As much as I love short stories, they come rarely—like little presents left on the doorstep. There's no ordering them online with guaranteed delivery, no matter how much I save up for it."

Frances Hardinge at Fuse Number 8: "Expect kidnaps, betrayal, chocolate, moonlit chases, traps within traps, consequences, fire from above, death-defying chimney incidents and an extremely important radish."

Jim Ottaviani at Chasing Ray: "So the notion that heroes are defined by the strength of their opposition couldn't be more true in this case and I wanted to show the Russian engineers and cosmonauts as the formidable competition that they were. And, as I hope the book showed out, they really were competitors, not enemies."

Courtney Sheinmel at Bildungsroman: "I'm definitely more afraid of dying than speaking in public, but I still get nervous when I have to do it...."

Derek Landy at Finding Wonderland

Mary E. Pearson at Miss Erin

PiBoIdMo

2009-11-14T05:37:00.000-05:00

In which I answer your most pressing questions.

1. What is PiBoIdMo?
It's Picture Book Idea Month, the picture book lover's alternative to NaNoWriMo, in which you think of a picture book idea every day for a month.

2. Cool. I'll try it. So, what should I write about today?
Funny you should ask! I am guest blogging over at Tara Lazar's blog today! Come on by and be inspired. And check out Tara's brilliant PiBoIdMo contest; you could have an agent check out five of your favorite picture book ideas.

3. Wait! I was already over at Tara's. That's how I got here. Now what?
Welcome to Jacqui's Room! Come on in and have a look around. Ideas for getting started are to your left under "New to Jacqui's Room? Try these." If you are doing PiBoIdMo, you may especially like the Thursday News of the Absurd Inspirational Moments. And come back again soon!

4, What are some bad puns you made up that didn't fit anywhere in this post?
Why, I'm so glad you asked. I was just going to cook some pumpkin PiBoIdMo.

What Kids Want

2009-11-05T09:40:00.002-05:00

Or, Why I Love My Local Indie Book Store

Hey! You know what makes a great gift for any holiday you might celebrate? A signed, personalized copy of TWO OF A KIND!

"I wish!" you exclaim. "But how can I get one?"

Well, you're in luck, because Nicola's Books in Ann Arbor rocks. Here's what they're doing for us:

If you order Two of a Kind (or The New Girl...And Me) online through Nicola's,
specify in your order that you want it signed,
and then email me and tell me what you want the dedication to say,
Nicola and I will sign, wrap, and ship it for you.
If you order by December 10, you can have it in time for Xmas.

Don't the kids in your life deserve a great book? Don't they deserve ten or twenty copies each? Think how cool you'll seem when they're signed and personalized!

Now, go buy one million copies.

The Least You Need to Know: I Wrote a Book. Now What?

2009-11-13T12:26:00.000-05:00

Jacqui's Advice on Getting Started

1. Ask yourself: who is the audience for this story? People get caught up in the mystique of being published, of being on book store shelves. But not every book has to be published to be a success. If you wrote a story for your daughter and she loved it and you print it out and she illustrates it, it may be the most special book in her library. My own kids have plenty of books like this. That doesn't mean they'll be special to every kid. It also doesn't mean they're worth less than a book that sells in a store. So ask yourself, who is the audience for this story? Or, a harder question, if I heard someone else wrote this story would I buy it?

2. If you decide to forge ahead with publishing, your first step is to wait. Wait until the story is distant enough that you can sit down and read it and be surprised. This may be a few weeks or a few months or even years. Then re-read and revise accordingly.

3. Read your story to some kids who don't love you. Your own kids will love it because you wrote it. So will your niece. You need an objective audience. Better yet: get another adult to read it to them while you watch. Pay attention. Take notes. Do they laugh in the right places? Do they yawn? Do they shrug and say, "It was good" at the end, or do they want to hear it again? Revise accordingly.

4. Get some other people's opinions. Find a critique group, online or in person. Join the Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators (SCBWI). You don't have to be published to join and they are a wealth of information and resources. Your local chapter may be able to refer you to a local critique group. After your critiquers comment, revise accordingly.

5. But don't ask me. I'm sorry. I can't offer to read your book for you. I get a lot of requests and I barely have enough time to do my own writing, so my agent has forbidden me to read anyone else's work, outside my critique groups. Unfortunately, this is true of most authors.

6. Instead, go and look at the Jacqui's Room Rules for Picture Books. Revise accordingly.

7. Do your research before you submit. Children's Writers and Illustrators Market (CWIM) is a great place to start. The SCBWI site has good articles on getting started. Editor Harold Underdown's site has great information on the basics, as does his Complete Idiot's Guide to Children's Publishing. Write4kids.com's "How Do I Get Started As A Children's Writer" is good too. All of these resources will help you choose the best editor, publishing house, etc. for your specific story.

8. Follow the rules. Publishers and editors have individual requirements for submissions. Follow them.

9. But what about an agent? Yes. Having an agent makes things much, much easier. Agents are hard to snag, though, and most of them are looking for clients with a body of work that goes beyond one book. If you decide to go agent hunting, step 7 still applies, except now you are looking for someone who is a good fit both for your work and for you.

10. Go write another book. Don't sit around and wait to hear and waste away. Children's publishing moves very, very slowly. Use your time to keep moving ahead. And good luck!

This is a follow-up to The Least You Need to Know: How to Write a Picture Book.

Why Do Fools Fall in Love?

2009-11-08T22:23:00.000-05:00

You know that friend you have, who's in love with someone new every eight months? Who keeps saying, "Oh, that's over. But this new guy/girl..." Three months later all she can do is complain about how badly it's going. Six months later she's heartbroken. Seven months later she has sworn off love forever.

"Never again," she vows, shaking a fist. And then, at eight months, "This NEW one..."

So, I started this new book. And this NEW one...is going to be the best book ever.

Dear Tinkerbell,

2009-11-06T06:10:00.000-05:00

I don't care how many times you have read Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone. You must stop referring to your brother as "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

In addition:

1. It is not okay to hide jars of "potion" in the corners of the basement, particularly if said potion contains large quantities of vermin-attracting fruit juice.

2. I know what the "Petrificus Totalus" spell does and I do not appreciate having you shout it at me during lectures on your behavioral faults.

3. You cannot invent magic words. Specifically, if your father asks, "What's the magic word?" when you rudely demand something, you may not answer, "Monkey bars." Further, you may not then use "monkey bars" in the place of "please" in making requests, as in "Get my homework folder, monkey bars."

Lastly, for the 100th time, no, the book I am writing is not as good as Harry Potter. Yes, I wish it were too. Thanks for the tip about the juicy details. I'll work on it.

love,
Your Mother