Wednesday, October 22, 2008

How to Use Jacqui's Room

I'm still new enough to this bloggy business to be amazed when someone besides my mother visits Jacqui's Room. It charms me to no end when people I wouldn't expect* tell me they've been here. "You should comment!" I tell them.

Then the other day, I was talking with a friend and I mentioned Jacqui's Room. "You should come by," I told her.

"Oh, I've never been to a blog," she demurred. "I wouldn't know what to do."

I remember feeling like that. I remember someone inviting me to join a group blog, with a bunch of well-established bloggers. I started poking around others' blogs, never staying for more than three minutes because I was sure they could see me. I was positive everyone online knew each other and if I commented, the response would be, "Who is that?! Get out!" or that I would break some invisible blog rule, some unspoken (or spoken before I got there) online social code, and I would look like a major fool and they would all be able to see through my secret identity and know just who I was and they would laugh and laugh.

Basically, I thought the internet was like middle school.

Turns out, it's not. I can't SEE you, beyond your IP address, and trust me, it means nothing to me. I don't know both most of the people whose comments you see, beyond the fact that they visit here and leave comments and I go and check out what they have to say sometimes. And, nobody here is going to laugh if you comment; I'm so happy whenever anyone does all I can do is beam thanks. So it IS kind of like middle school, I guess, only you found the kind of dorky, secretly coolest crowd.

I told my friend all this and she didn't believe me. So I thought I should make it easy for her. Thus, I bring you:

The Jacqui's Room Manual: Instructions For Daily Use

1. Type "" into the little rectangle at the top of your screen.

2. Read today's post. Laugh, ponder, or weep salty tears of exhilaration, as appropriate.

3. Decide to throw me a bone respond. Click on "Post a Comment" at the end of the post. A new window will open up. Do not be afraid. Peruse the hilarity others have left. Don't be intimidated. Type your comment into the big box. Might I suggest, "Dang, woman! You are the funniest person ever!" or "Thank you, thank you, for changing my life so drastically for the better with this simple idea!" Other readers also seem to enjoy telling me what foodstuffs they spat out upon reading my work. When it doubt, you can always say, "I wuz here."

4. At this point, the computer will ask you to type some letters as you see them. This is to make sure you are not a robot. If you ARE a robot, email me and we'll arrange something.

5. Now it gets tricky. Remain calm. The directions ask you to "Choose an identity." If you aren't sure, click on "Anonymous." That way you can be, well, anonymous. If you want me to know it's you, sign your comment (back up in the box) as in, "Holy cow! I can't stop laughing! Love, Your old piano teacher."

6. You can preview your comment by clicking "Preview." Or you can click "Publish." Go ahead. Take a deep breath and do it. Click!

7. Oh my God!!! Your comment didn't appear!!! Where did it go?! Do not panic. I must approve all comments before they appear. If yours doesn't have bad words in it, or try to sell me something, it will undoubtedly pass and should be up soon, as I check for comments several times each minute throughout the day.

8. Sit back and say goodbye to your productivity. Then email everyone you know and tell them what fun you had in Jacqui's Room. I mean it. Go tell them.

* the dad of my best friend from high school, my son's day care teacher , my cousin -- hi guys!


J. Thorp said...

beautifully done and funny too. a must-read for all anonymous-blog-reading-non-commenters. thank you for changing my life substantially for the better, oh wise one.

seriously, can i link to this from my blog?

Jacqui said...

Of course. Always happy to be linked too.

Anonymous said...

I love to read your blog because very often, I laugh out loud and my roomie thinks I'm nuts!

Jodi said...

I think I will have my mom read this post so she can comment on Jim's blog. For some reason when I explain it to her it just doesn't work for her, maybe your words will inspire her to figure it out.

Diane T said...

I wuz heer! w00t!

(You shouldn't have asked.)

Candace Ryan said...

Dang, woman! You are the funniest person ever! Thank you, thank you, for changing my life so drastically for the better with this simple idea! I wuz here.

Stephanie J. Blake said...

i wuz here

Kelly Polark said...

Ha! Great instructions for newbies (I think I'm still a newbie!)

Rena Jones said...

Great post, Jacqui! When I started my blog, I couldn't get the darn counter thing to work. Now, 60+ posts later, I wonder if it's even worth it to try again. I'm so thankful when people leave comments so I don't feel like I'm talking to myself in cyberspace.

Jacqui said...

Anonymous: thanks! Your comment made me smile (fortunately, my roomie already knows I'm nuts).

Jodi: I hope so; my mom still can't figure it out, I think.

Diane and Steph: so glad you wuz here!

Candace gets bonus points for feeding my ego in all three requested ways!

Kelly: me too.

Rena: I still can't figure it out either; I always wonder how many of the hits are me.

C.R. Evers said...

This is the most thorough list of blog instructions I've ever seen.

My goodness, you are the funniest woman Ev-ah! And you have changed my life drastically.


T said...

I hope I'm not the only blog reader whose eyes diverted up and to the left after reading #1 of "The Jacqui's Room Manual: Instructions For Daily Use"

Good instruction Jacqui, I love reading your blog.
(Thanks j. thorp!)

Jacqui said...

Christy, I am nothing if not wordy!

T- thanks! And my eyes diverted up there after your comment...

Anonymous said...


OMGosh, thanks for commenting on my (newbie) blog! I enjoyed reading your instructions. Giggled all the way through. Great fun!


Brianna Caplan Sayres said...

Great post! I've just started to get brave enough to post on blogs. Now that my critique group started our own blog, I know how thrilled we get when people comment. So I try not to act so shy!

sruble said...

Fun instructions!

Do you mind if I spray paint my name on the side of your blog, just to show I was here :)

p.s. the robot indicator must have known you were getting new people to blogger. It's been a lot friendlier today, you can actually read the letters and everything!

Jacqui said...

Sharon and Brianna, thanks! And welcome to the blogosphere.

sruble, or robots have taken over and are trying to make it easier for THEIR relatives to comment...

Anonymous said...

Don't worry, robots can figure out the word verification.
Blorp, Blorp!

Jacqui said...

WOPR: Blorp beep-beep sprock.

Mrs. D said...

Hey Jacqui,
I haven't hung out in your room since 9th grade, so this was fun! : )
It is so cool that your book is in Cheerios! We have a copy already, but I'm psyched to check my aisle for your book...

Jacqui said...

Mrs. D! I fear it has not changed much, though it's a little neater, I hope.

Everyone, Mrs. D is not joking. She is actually a friend from ninth grade. See?! I did TOO have (a) friend in ninth grade. So there.