Thursday, October 8, 2009

Psst! Wanna buy a granny?

Oh, happy is the Thursday when there is hilarity in the odd news. And even happier when said news is not obscene AND it would make, I think, an awesome middle grade chapter book.

This is your Thursday News of the Absurd Will Someone Please Write This Book Inspirational Moment (TNoftheAWSPWTBIM).

From Reuters India
(Reporting by Paul Casciato; Editing by Steve Addison):

UK girl stopped from selling granny online

Apparently, 10 year old Zoe Pemberton tried this week to auction her grandmother off on Ebay. She described her grandma as "annoying and moaning a lot" but "cuddly." My favorite part? 27 people bid for her before Ebay reminded everyone that grandma trafficking is illegal.

There are two books here. First, you have a comedy about Zoe's efforts to get rid of her grandmother. Selling her on Ebay is only the tip of the iceberg. She also tries to marry her off to their neighbor Sheldon, attempting to get the senile old man to say "I do" before her grandmother figures out what is going on. She scatters ElderTour brochures around the house and fiddles with the GPS on Granny's wheelchair.

OR, and this is the one I want, what if it went through? What if you bought yourself a grandma on Ebay? You order her, save up, send all the money you saved plus some you stole from the change jar on dad's dresser, and ten days later, there's a knock at the door. Mom answers, and in walks Granny. Turns out she's thrilled to escape the brat who sold her and refuses to leave. So, like the stray dog you brought home in second grade, they let you keep her, but you have to take care of her. And turns out she is just as cuddly, but also just as annoying and moaning as advertised.

For some reason, I am picturing this in journal form. No! It's letters to the grandma whom Granny Ebay is replacing (she had a late life need for adventure and is off disabling land mines in Laos).

Poor Granny Ebay. Who will write me this book?

13 comments:

leftunderbooks said...

Oh, there are quite a few possibilities here. You have Granny showing up at the door of her own free will... but I'm thinking something a little bit darker--what if Granny was shipped? She might like her new family, but she's a bit stiff and cranky after her trip via truck in something resembling a large cat carrier.

Corey Schwartz said...

Oh, that is hilarious! YOU should write it!

Reminds a little of the picture book, He Came with the Couch!

cath c said...

this one is all yours, jacqui!

Amber Lough said...

I think, quite possibly, I want to write this book. I will have to think about it...but I have SO MANY IDEAS and I already know the granny and the purchasing child. Wow. Awesome. I am going to note this for my next project.

Jacqui said...

leftunderbooks, welcome! Granny being shipped is hilarious. And I think she brings the cat with her.

Corey, I don't know that one -- will check it out.

cath, NaNoWriMo approaches...

Amber, go for it! I know all about the too many ideas problem. Obviously.

Jack said...

funny, my immediate thought was...wow that was easy. Just order off of ebay? Adoptions are pretty darn hard. I'd love to see Zoe have to deal with some paperwork and angst before the cuddling & moaning begins

Vijaya said...

I love it. I come from a culture where matrimonial ads are common, with surprising results and this is so much funnier.

debbie said...

This may be your best TNoftheAWSPWTBIM yet, Jacqui. Amber can write the novel, but really, you are the perfect person to write the pb.

Anonymous said...

Why does my heart stop beating when I read "Wanna buy a Granny?"

Jacqui said...

Jack, mmm. True. Or, I am thinking maybe she tries to send her back and then has to deal with the paperwork.

Vijaya, yes! Though, I'd bet ads for spouses don't often say "cuddly but annoying!"

Debbie, I never thought of a PB! Genius!

Anonymous, hee hee.

Amber Lough said...

Yes, Jacqui, you write the pb and we'll sell our books as a set---one for the younger child and the other for the fourth-grader. We should share on illustrators, of course. Someone awesome....like Debbie.

Angela said...

Oh my gosh. This is just too awesome for words. TOTALLY GREAT BOOK FODDER! I love it!!

Jacqui said...

Thanks, Angela!