Monday, March 2, 2009

What Jacqui Needs

Christy was playing on Google and it sounded like fun. The idea is to waste as much time as possible type your name and the word "needs" into your search engine and to list the first ten things Google thinks you need. It helps to share a name with the Home Secretary for the UK. Here are mine.

Jacqui needs
... to open her mouth and sing.
... to talk to the sisters.
... vitamin D.
... maximum friend time.
... to turn 13 or more or gain 305 more Werewolf points to reach the next level: Fire Werewolf! Jacqui should get out there and bite some people!
... to take a long hard look at herself in the mirror.*
... eye drops to help her vision.
... to get out more.
... someone to sing her praises.
... to be whacked.
... to feel herself at one with others, not just a reader of the small print but part of a whole which might include Hyde Park.

Obviously, one is much, much better than all the rest. From now on, you can all refer to me as "Fire Werewolf!" And yes, that includes the exclamation point.

* Interestingly, this one led to a blog called Novel Mum and a post by another Jacqui also screwing around on Google. Oh, the wonders of the internet. Do you think she'll be my friend?


Kelly Polark said...

These are so funny! You will never escape the Werewolf association now!

C.R. Evers said...

Waste as much time as possible? Oh, dear Fire Werewolf! I beg to differ. This is serious stuff. The stuff that changes lives. The stuff that gives us super cool nick names!

I scoff at your "wasting time" ;0)


J. Thorp said...

It also helps not to be named Jim -- otherwise your top ten listings include five listings of other Jims who have already done this and posted their lists.

Quite a bit of overlap, it turns out. The overall number one listing comes from

I hope Jim gets one.

Elise Murphy said...


I did this one, too. But the results were just too close to my real life to publish without creating permanent embarassment in my life.

Apparently, Elise needs a lot of things . . .

Anonymous said...

I will and do always sing your praises! It takes alot of timne each day since you are so awesome.

Jacqui said...

Um, Kelly, that's FIRE Werewolf! :)

Christy, it's true. Sorry to have doubted.

Thorp, you could do your whole name. And I hope Jim gets one too.

Oh, Elise, yeah. The rest of the quote about what I'd see when I took a look in the mirror was too close to home to be funny.

See now? Comments like the one from Anonymous are how y'all are supposed to be treating me!

Candace Ryan said...

"Do you think she'll be my friend?'

As long as you don't bite her in your new incarnation as Fire Werewolf!

Ello - Ellen Oh said...

I just wanted to let you know that my youngest has been sleeping with the New Girl book for the past few weeks. She recently decided it was her absolute favorite book and now sleeps with it. Yes, my kid likes to sleep with books instead of stuffed animals. makes for funny facial indentations in the morning, but it is very sweet.

Jacqui said...

Candace, good point.

Ello, that is SO COOL. You have absolutely made my day. And I love that she sleeps with books.

Brenda said...

How fun! Google has everything! grin...

Jacqui said...

Brenda, it's true. Sometimes when I'm stuck on a story, I ask Google what happens next.

Ello - Ellen Oh said...

Yes - but you know I have to thank you for the girls new favorite phrase which is "I'll punch you in the head!!!"

They say this all the time now!

Jacqui said...

Ello, um, sorry? Sadly, you are not the first person to tell me this. Though only one person reported actual punching. The New Girl And Me, the Grand Theft Auto of picture books...