Thursday, February 4, 2010

The Adorable Kitten of Death

We interrupt to bring you this week's Thursday News of the Absurd Will Someone Please Write This Book Inspirational Moment. We are going to be religious about our TNoftheAWSPWTBIMs from now on, due to a comment from a non-writer friend that Jacqui's Room is "hilarious, except when you talk about, you know, writing."

Leaving the fact that this means I am funny approximately 1% of the time, there's a new grim reaper in town and I love this story idea.

From YahooNews & Reuters:

Doctor casts new light on cat that can predict death

In 2007, scientists released a paper describing Oscar, a nursing home cat who can sense death coming; he consistently curls up in bed with people right before they die. Now the doctors who broke the story are concerned Oscar has gotten an unwarranted reputation for being a harbinger of doom, when really he's just trying to comfort people.

Yeah. Right. Even I, a lifelong cat lover, have to scoff. A cat who wants to comfort humans?

Oscar is clearly killing these people. OR, Oscar can sense death coming, because Oscar is Death. And that is the book I want. What if Death were not a skeletal or pale-faced hooded ghoul? Because who wouldn't run from that? If Death really wants to trap as many folks as possible, he'd appear as a totally adorable kitty-witty.

But outside the nursing home where they recognize him, Death gets no respect. He comes to take people's souls and lay his cold paws upon them and they all pet him and forget how to say the 'l' sound.

"Oh, is the widdle kitty twying to --"

Death tries to growl, "I am NOT a widdle kitty. I am the Gwim Weaper." But the people just giggle and offer him milk.

Okay, maybe it's not a book. Maybe it's a Monty Python sketch. Or maybe you have a better idea.

And if it doesn't make you laugh, think of it this way: I could be, you know, talking about writing.


J. Thorp said...

And on Death's trail are two dogs -- a spirited but naive terrier who's all over this kitty scam like a puppy on a root, and a curmudgeonly, flea-bitten hound who knows a think or two about death -- and cats -- but needs some encouragement to get off the porch ...

Diane T said...

... and somebody trying to combat the Adorable Kitten of Death will use the Unconquerable Can Opener of Doom!

cath c said...

jacqui! you have to stop asking others to write al your brilliant ideas! you are an inspiration in taking the mundane and elevating it to high comedy. write this book!

C.R. Evers said...

LOL! I've heard of that cat before. ~freakky!~ but I like your take on it. A monty python version would be awesome!

Amber Lough said...

Ah, the Gwim Weaper. LOL. I think the people in Panera just glanced my way, wondering what I was laughing at.

I want you to write this book, Jacqui.

Michele Thornton said...

LOVE the kitten of death. Using it in a story already...seriously. I heard about this about a year ago, and now, in my WIP, there are these cats...the story isn't actually about the cats, but the cats hate immortals because they don't die. That's all I can say for now.

Mary Witzl said...

This reminds me a little of Terry Pratchett's 'Binky, the Death Horse'. I love making something cold, hard and terrifying into something little, cuddly and cute.

I've heard about Oscar. Someday when I'm breathing my last breath, I want a cat like him sitting on my chest, escorting me into the Next World.

Bernie Pedersen said...

Hmm. I have a cat who I've nicknamed the kitten of detah. She's a 10lb miniature leopard who you do not wanna mess with. She seems all nice and innocent, until you fall asleep then she starts tearing into you. I think we ought to put both kittens of death in a room together and let them duke it out. Mine beats up my 16lb male everytime.