Friday, January 9, 2009

Friday Bits

In which I don't sweat the small stuff.

1. Squirrels. Yup, the terrifying attic monsters turned out to be really fat squirrels whose doom now awaits them in the form of a peanut butter trail to a big silver trap. They'd built a huge nest right on the attic door, so when Animal Control Man* opened the door to the attic, he got showered with half-chewed walnut bits. I have to be honest: I had gotten myself so worked up about the monster that when I heard the attic open, a very small part of me was disappointed not to hear "HOLY COW! RUN!!!!" followed by a velociraptor shriek. But squirrels it is. And here is a fact: squirrels are pigeons that can't even fly and I hate them now.


2. I went shopping at lunch time with my sister** and we stopped to play at the make-up counter and to pretend we know what to do with foundation and other mysterious things. They had an eye product called "Well Rested" and the saleslady stopped snorking at us long enough to recommend it.

"What does it do?" I asked.

To which my sister replied, "You take it home and it blows up your children."


3. Look at the cuteness. Tabitha awarded me this lovely butterfly and it made my day. I'm waiting to pass it on until I find something great I think you all haven't seen yet, but, well, really, I just wanted that pretty picture here.

* Who was totally dreamy and would have had every chance in the world to replace Steve as my new boyfriend, if only he had shown up within the two hour window promised.
** It is a bloggy crime that I haven't quoted my sister more to you as she is the funniest person I know.
-- squirrel photo (from Wikipedia Commons) by Aaron Logan --

10 comments:

J. Thorp said...

We love you, Jacqui, but if that quote is true to form, yes, more of your sister, too, please!

Is "Well Rested" only for women?

I wanted to make a comment about squirrels as cuisine, but I thought I might offend the sensibilities of others in the Room ...

Diane T said...

Squirrels are little devils who love to make noise and crawl about in your attic and drive your cats insane so they attempt to jump at the ceiling at midnight and keep you awake and omigod cat I'm going to kill you if you wake me up again and dammit dear, can't you close up the gap in the roof flashing?

[takes long breath]

Sorry, I've had my own issues with squirrels. But definitely check for gaps in the eaves.

Angela said...

Our city just adopted the suirrel as it's sort of mascot or something. I must have missed that town meeting. But now there is a statue by town hall....a stump with squirrels running up and down it! And at the December Saturday fests .... all of the rolls had little squirrels on top. Grrrr.... I need more mirrors at intersections... not new mascots.

Anyway, if that wasn't enough to keep you away my oldest was certain she saw "cute little otters" in the river near our house. It was dark. I didn't see them. But when I asked around. I got a nodd and an answer. "Yeah, those. They're sewer rats."

Ewwwww!

sruble said...

Oh no, squirrels! I've heard they can be awful once they find a way into your house. Hope they are gone for good.

Your sister is funny :)

p.s. The comment word verification thingy this time is la bounce. Seriously. Ha!

Rena said...

LOL @ the animal control guy being totally dreamy. Even covered in walnut bits? Nothing like a dreamy man covered in nuts. Sounds kind of like a candy bar ...

Vijaya said...

Heh, heh ... this reminds me of a very funny story on NPR I heard years ago about a squirrel on the couch who does great mayhem ...

Love those critters.

J. Thorp said...

The candy bar comment (coupled with the tags on this post, "confessions" and "boyfriends") settles it -- I am, in fact, the only guy for miles ...

Thor? Anyone?

Jacqui said...

Diane, exactly.
Angela, how odd about your town! You must use that in a middle grade chapter book, okay?

sruble, "la bounce" sounds like an 80s club band.

Rena, sadly, there were also insulation bits and furballs in with the nuts...

Vijaya, curious about the story!

Amber Lough said...

Hmm. I'd like some Well Rested. As long as it puts the children back together again when I am, well, well rested.

Jacqui said...

Amber, as far as I can tell from my sample, all it does is make you seem less sleepy by getting powder in your eyes and making it hurt to close them...