Thursday, February 12, 2009

The House at Jacqui's Corner

In which I compare myself to A.A. Milne.

You probably know that all the Winnie the Pooh stories started as bedtime stories for A.A. Milne's own kids. Haven't you wondered what the bedtime stories in other writers' houses are like? They must be fabulous, yes? Full of art and talent? Of course they are. Witness.

1. WHEN COOKIE MONSTER MET A COOKIE
by Jacqui (for Tink, enacted using her two favorite stuffed animals)

One day me was walking along when me saw cookie. It look delicious. It all brown with honey dripping on it. Me knew it was Black Bear's cookie, because me know Black Bear loves honey.

Me know it wrong to eat Black Bear's cookie. But cookie so delicious! Me look at cookie. Me look at Black Bear. Me look at cookie. Me look at Black Bear. Me know friends most important thing in world.

Nom nom nom nom nom. Forget you Black Bear. Nom nom nom.


2. THE FAMILY, take 1
by The Mighty Thor

Once upon a time, there was a family. There was a beautiful, handsome and strong and smart father. There was an okay mother. And there were two kids, the Lady Piggybottoms and Sir Squigglimadoo.

(collapses in laughter at own joke, unable to finish story)


3. THE FAMILY, take 2
by Tink

Once upon a time, there was a family. There was a pretty and smart mother and a pretty and smart daughter. There was a hairy ape father. And a bear. STOP! MOM! MAKE HIM STOP TOUCHING MY STUFF!!!!!!! (nails brother with Black Bear)


4. THE FAMILY, take 3
by The Mighty Thor

As I was saying, there was this family with the parents and Lady Piggybottoms and Sir Squigglimadoo. They lived in a beautiful castle in Michigan. And then one day a Cheerios monster ate them all up. Nom nom nom nom nom.

The end.

My children have no hope of normalcy, I fear.

12 comments:

J. Thorp said...

Have I shared one of my favorite made-up words, normallacy, with you? It's the fallacy of normalcy -- the illusion that there is any such thing as normal ...

Jacqui said...

Thorp, "the fallacy of normalcy." Love it.

Diane T said...

"Cheerios monster"? Does it look like the Michelin man, or is it just a giant donut-shaped creature? Now, that's a book I'd like to see.

(ps, if you want to see another child who never had a chance at normal, see my blog post today)

Ello said...

Jacqui - me laugh too hard and soil meself.

Candace Ryan said...

Normalcy is overrated.

Jacqui said...

Diane, I think it's what Thor turns into when bedtime goes too long...

Ello, hee hee.

Candace: word.

MaryAnn said...

You made me giggle this morning. Not easy to do at 3am, after the youngest woke me up for no apparent reason.
Thanks!
M...

Mary Witzl said...

'Nom-nom-nom' is what got me. Why does that sound so much like chewing something tasty?

You've got me itching to write the story of my family now. I think I'll make the mother a heroic fairy princess, actually.

Jacqui said...

MaryAnn, 3am. Ugh. Glad you got to giggle.

Mary W, "nom nom nom" is my new favorite onomatopoeia. And I always try to make the mom the queen, and they always laugh. Sigh.

C.R. Evers said...

You guys put the "fun" in "dis-FUN-ctional. ;0)

Actually, I think all those stories sound fabulous!

Christy

Brenda said...

What a fun house you live in...can I move in?

Jacqui said...

Christy, seriously, it is true.

Brenda, come on over! We can offer unlimited laughs, snow, and eats in exchange for light housekeeping and nanny services :)