Thursday, May 20, 2010

Your Personal Trainer

So, I'm training for this marathon. Thor bought me this chip that you tie to your shoe. It sends messages to your iPod and computer voice comes on and tells you how far you've gone and how fast you are going: "You have been running for THREE minutes. You have gone POINT FOUR miles." It also came with this running coaching mix, complete with the voice of many-marathon-winner Alberto Salazar telling you when to speed up and when to take a break and how fabulous you are for running at all.

I love this voice. Alberto (whom I saw win the New York Marathon in the 80s, so he knows his stuff) starts with a motivational speech about getting out the door. Then he says, "Ready? Go!" and great warm up music comes on. I'm running along, and suddenly, there's Alberto telling me, "You're doing great. Now I want you to speed up. Picture your opponent running ahead of you. Ready? Sprint!" Appropriately upbeat music comes on and I sprint, encouraged by Alberto, "You are so fast!"

I want this for writing. I want a writing coaching mix. I want to put on my headphones and hear, say, Salman Rushdie: "You are going to have a great writing day. You are a brilliant and prolific writer. Ready? Open your laptop. Go!" and then hear good writing music. I type and type and on comes, "You're doing great. Only thirty minutes left. Keep writing!" When I'm done, I want him to say, "Wow. Doesn't that feel good? Take a break. Go get some coffee and I'll meet you back here in ten minutes. Don't be late!" and then play "Praise You" by Fatboy Slim, like Alberto does at the end of the sprints.

I want a chip like I have for my shoe, but for the computer, so I can press a button and hear the computer voice: "You have been writing for THIRTY-FIVE minutes. You have written ONE THOUSAND words. You have updated your status ZERO times. Good job!"

Who will write invent me this book thingamajig?

7 comments:

Sara said...

OMG. I want this too. Invent, it, Jacqui---now. I promise I'll tell you "good job!" if you do.

Jacqui said...

I wish I could, Sara! Ooh. I just thought of this: different coaching sessions for different genres, and then the music is different...

Diane T said...

I don't know that I need a coach; more like a jailer that will keep my Butt In Chair.

Marathon, eh? You are much braver than I.

Anne M Leone said...

Wow. I totally want this too. Actually, the running one sounds fabulous as well!

Debbie Diesen said...

Love this idea -- someone invent this!

cath c said...

funny i have a picture taped over my desk (actually right now it is taped to the binding of the pelican complete shakespeare) of henry miller with a speech bubble that says, "I really like what you're doing! Keep up the good work!"

i printed from keri smith's blog.

Susanne Drazic said...

Good luck with your marathon training.

A personal trainer thingamajig for writing would be fun. I want one!