Monday Math

1.

2. Given that
a=40
b=10
c=2
d=10 and
e=0

where
a=approximate weight of pregnant raccoon in pounds
b=number of minutes Jacqui spent at her front door screaming, dancing, and banging on
c=number of pots, to try to scare the raccoon into not crossing the street, and
d= number of times Jacqui has written "Find hole squirrels where squirrels got in and fix it" and
e=number of times she found the hole and fixed it.

Then, if x=chances that Jacqui will not have raccoon babies in her attic by the end of the week,

then, sadly, I think x=0

3. A word problem:
Jacqui bought six boxes of Girl Scout cookies. She bought 2 boxes of Thin Mints, 2 boxes of Samoas, and 1 box each of Tagalongs and the shortbread ones nobody likes except dipped in tea. Jacqui has 3 other people in her family. 0 of those other people like Samoas. If Jacqui has had the boxes of cookies at her house for two weeks, and there are 20 cookies in each box, where the heck did all the Samoas go, oh my god, really? I ate them all?! None of you had a single one oh I feel sick.

4. 20 Samoas per box X 2 boxes = how many calories? For real? Oh crap. How many calories do you think I burned torturing the raccoon?

5.
Cost per book to buy The New Girl...And Me: $16.95
Approximate royalty income to Jacqui from each book: seven peanuts
Payment to Jodi Reamer, Jacqui's agent: two peanuts
Validation of herself as a writer Jacqui gets every time a royalty check comes in the mail: priceless