Thursday, May 14, 2009

Baaaad boys

I was pondering a very cool, deep Thursday News of the Absurd Will Someone Please Write This Book Inspirational Moment (TNoftheAWSPWTBIM)*. And then I went to the petting farm with Destructo this morning. We took a hay ride into the middle of the cow pasture, where the farmer stopped the truck and scattered feed. Immediately, we were surrounded by cattle, some of them horned, mooing and jockeying for position. They were gigantic but gentle. Destructo was fascinated. He cooed over the mamas with their babies. He reached over the side of the hay ride to pet them. He mooed back. It was totally adorable.

Then the hay ride went on and dropped us at the petting barn. Destructo climbed up me, clawing at me like a baby monkey.

"NO!" he shouted. "No go in here!"

"Why not?" I asked. There didn't appear to be any monsters or even loose animals. But Destructo tried to crawl into my skin.

"I no like THAT!" he screamed, pointing.

I looked. And oh. my. God. I saw this:

Yeah, it's a baby goat.** About the size of a large house cat. By far the cutest thing (other than my kids) that I've seen all week. The little black one was the evil demon that had Destructo up in (my) arms.

It baaed and Destructo screamed. 700 pound horned cows=cute, but tiny long-lashed baby goat=Cujo, apparently.

And then I thought, "Maybe Destructo knows something I don't." Maybe he speaks goat. And maybe the goat is saying, "I am going to kill you." Or maybe he can inherently sense what that goat would do to his lovey.

There's a book here. I want horror, where the cutest animals in the barn are evil and nobody but the main character can tell. The baby goats are killers and Fern wouldn't want to be anywhere near the runt of the pig litter. It has to be a graphic novel, I think, so we can get pictures. And I want the main character to get caught wrestling the animals and for his mom to think he's crazy.

But no attack bunnies; that's been done.

Who will write me this book? And who can think of a better title than "Baaaad Boys" for it?

* I actually was; it will come next week, I think.
** Sorry so blurry; it's hard to take pictures with a terrified monkey on your head.


Mary Witzl said...

I couldn't see that YouTube clip -- I think there's some sort of anti-YouTube conspiracy going on here! I clicked on that thinking it would be Bunnicula, a story my kids could hardly get enough of -- a savage attack rabbit.

How funny that your little boy loved the cows, but was scared of the goats! Goats are cute, but they've definitely got a little of the devil in them...

cath c said...

oh, jacqui, this one is all yours!


Diane T said...

"Watch out, that kid is dynamite!" :D

J. Thorp said...

the black one looks *quick* -- and goats *are* somewhat demonic ...

Ello said...


OMG - Baaaaaaaaaad Boys is all yours!

HA HAAAAAAAAAA! That killed me!

Jacqui said...

Mary, that would've been better; this was Monty Python.

cath c., I wish I could draw.

Diane, ha!

Thorp, see? Poor little sensitive bear.

Ello, I love to make you laugh.

Laura Ellen said...

That is too funny. Kids have a strange way of being scared of some things and not of others! My daughter was terrified of the monkey in "The Little Princess" movie, but could watch "Are You Afraid of the Dark" with no qualms at all!

I too thought the link would be BUNNICULA, such a good book!

cath c said...

in the graphic novel genre, there is a fantastic artist who would be perfect for this, ooo, maybe a couple now that i think of it: dave mckean and charles vess.

they are in high demand - if you find them, they may just love the unlikelihoodedness and humor of your baaaad boys...

charles vess draws awesome fairies, by the way.

C.R. Evers said...

LOL! cute idea. You sure have a lot of stories to write! ;0)

adrienne said...

That's so cute - there's no telling what will set kids (the human kind) off. But goats can be little devils, so I think he's on to something.

Jacqui said...

Laura & Adrienne, I'm always amazed at what terrifies my kids and doesn't, it's true. I was not expecting goataphobia.

Mmm, Cath C, I will check out their work. Wouldn't it be crazy if someone really wrote me one of these books? NO. It would be great. Do it do it!

In fact, Christy should do it.

Sharon Blankenship said...

Well, of course Destructo knows something you don't. Don't you see the movies? Teen girls know nothing and run around half dressed in front of crazed chainsaw wielding killers.
But children???? They always KNOW. Heed his warning and stay away from the black goats. Definitely not pets. Perhaps Thor could handle this.

Jacqui said...

Sharon, you are right, of course. But Thor, despite his name, has trouble with large insects; I think the goat could take him.