Thursday, May 7, 2009

The Puke Fairy

Warning: this week's Thursday News of the Absurd Will Someone Please Write This Book Inspirational Moment (TNoftheAWSPWTBIM) is about barf.

Christy's kids were sick this week. Over on Facebook, she lamented that the "puke fairy" had been for a visit. "Blech," I thought. "Poor thing."

And then I thought, "What if there WERE a puke fairy?"

Wouldn't it stink being the puke fairy? I mean, who wouldn't want to be the tooth fairy, who delivers shiny coins in exchange for old teeth? Or even the boob fairy, who my mom always told me came later? But the puke fairy?!

Let's face it: nobody likes the puke fairy. What's a little puke fairy to do?

David Shannon has a sweet book called Alice the Fairy, and Alice will be starring as the puke fairy in my version of this book.

The puke fairy's interactions all start very nicely. Glitter, sparkles, girly nonsense and giggles. And then, sure enough, BLAGHAGHAGHGAHAGH. Hee hee.

All the other fairies make fun of her. No little girls want to be her. Everyone screams when they see her coming. Mean kids throw apples at her. The little puke fairy just wants to be friends. She doesn't MEAN to make them spew. They just do.*

Now, wouldn't it be nice if at the end of the book, the puke fairy got to save the day?

Yeah, I can't figure out how either. But in case someone wants to write me this book, here are some names of famous people that mostly rhyme with "puke fairy:"

1. Luke Perry
2. Duke Harry
3. Drew Carey

*See, I even got you started with an unintentional rhyme.

15 comments:

Diane T said...

How about the puke fairy saves the day when the lunch lady accidentally puts rat poison in the soup and all the kids are poisoned? I'm picturing the last two-page spread, with a whole school of kids barfing ... and it was corn chowder soup, so lots of chunks!

Now you're sorry you asked, aren't you?

C.R. Evers said...

LOL! I'm so glad that my experience w/ the puke fairy was put to good practical writing use. See. The puke Fairy saved the day for Jacqui. She gave her something to blog for her Thursday feature. :0)

(can I be one of the mean kids that throws the apples at the fairy? Sorry. I"m still bitter. Therefore, I show no mercy.)

Jacqui said...

Not at all sorry, Diane. Imagine the illustrations. Maybe a pop-up book?

Christy, you can throw all the apples you want.

Bish Denham said...

ROFL! If not rat poison, food poisoning. Bad mayo...The puke fairy could also be the one who holds the bag for you on the plane, or helps you when you lean over the toilet or cleans up the mess when you don't make it to the bathroom on time. In other words, she's Mom!

Solvang Sherrie said...

Get writing, Christy!

Kelly said...

I don't want the puke fairy anywhere near my house! But Luke Perry is welcome.

J. Thorp said...

as the only male "regular" here, i must be careful -- but let's just say that a certain childhood fairy reference you made nearly made me shoot coca-cola from my nose. i could give my overly credulous middle son nightmares with that one!

there's one fairy who had better be sure who she's gifting ...

Jacqui said...

Bish, I think that has to be it; the puke fairy can't stop it, but she can hold your hair.

Solvang Sherrie, I agree!

Kelly, :) Luke Perry ten years ago, I think.

Thorp, tee hee.

adrienne said...

Hmmm...a timely visit from the puke fairy might save you from a math test you forgot to study for...

Jacqui said...

Adrienne, that's it! The puke fairy is all down in the dumps and then she hears a desperate child calling her...

taralazar said...

I think the Puke Fairy should save the day by cleaning it all up! Mommies everywhere would curse her, then love her! Especially if she was better at removing odors than baking soda and Febreeze.

Jacqui said...

Hmm, taralazar, I suppose if the puke fairy can bring it, she can magic it away. Good point.

Amber Lough said...

How about:

Puke Fairy: The College Years
Sorority Edition

Angela said...

what if the puke fairy actually cleaned up the mess!!

(leaving money won't be a bad idea either...it would kind of make up for the whole...puke episode)

The world NEEDS a puke fairy!

sruble said...

Poor Christy! The puke fairy is kind of hilarious though. Poor Christy ;)

Oh, just read one of your comments - a pop up book? Ha! Ewwww!