Thursday, May 21, 2009

You gotta feel for the vulture

For the second week in a row, today's Thursday News of the Absurd Will Someone Please Write This Book Inspirational Moment (TNoftheAWSPWTBIM) has vomit in it.

The Leslie Science Center came to Tink's school this week, along with their collection of rescued birds of prey.

"We saw a red-tailed hawk!" Tink raved. "And a great horned owl."

It sounded very cool. I asked questions. Tink rattled on.

TINK: ...but I felt bad for the poor turkey vulture.
JACQUI: The poor turkey vulture?
TINK: Yeah. He was just rescued, so he hadn't been on any adventures to schools before.
JACQUI: So he was nervous.
TINK: Yeah. He got so nervous he threw up on the gym floor!

Oh, the poor turkey vulture. Imagine it. Franklin is a turkey vulture. He is supposed to be a scavenger, a bird of prey, a fearsome beast. Instead, he is elementary school student-a-phobic. The red-tailed hawk spreads his wings and the kids ooh and aah. The great horned owl spins his head to look behind him and hoots. And Franklin? Franklin barfs and tries to hide.

Clearly, somebody has to write this book. NOBODY has written a fiction picture book with a turkey vulture main character. Sure, there's April Pulley Sayre's lovely Vulture View, but the turkey vulture kids fiction market is wide open!

Who will step to the plate???

photo of turkey vulture by Mjobling at Wikipedia Commons.


J. Thorp said...

there's something inherently funny about a scavenger with a tummy ache. maybe he ate some good meat. y'know, underspoiled -- the carrion wasn't ripe enough ...

also -- i love "who will step up to the plate?" in this context! reminds me of the time we told brendan he had to finish his stir fry -- we thought he was just being finicky. we were *so* wrong!

Diane T said...

Why stop there? I say write the picture book from the viewpoint of the vulture's vomit. "It was bad enough I got hit by a car and splatted all over the road, but then a vulture came along and gobbled me up. Just when things had settled down and I'd gotten used to the dark and quiet, that stupid vulture barfed me up and all these kids went 'EWWWWW' and pointed at me!"

Sounds like the perfect sequel to my Road Kill Rodeo.

Jacqui said...

Thorp, The Mighty Thor was apparently able to barf at will as a child, and used this peculiar skill many times to fight against his clean plate club card carrying parents...

Diane, that is totally gross. And funny. I still want you to write Road Kill Rodeo.

cath c said...

maybe he was just making room for one of the tasty looking kindergartens...

Jacqui said...

cath c, HA! That is totally what it was!