Thursday, August 13, 2009

Bears Gone Wild

Welcome to this week's Thursday News of the Absurd Will Someone Please Write This Book Inspirational Moment (TNoftheAWSPWTBIM), in which I make A.A.Milne turn over in his grave.

from the AP:

Winnie the Pooh pulls bank job

Apparently, Winnie the Pooh has robbed a bank in Chicago. Okay, not really. Somebody robbed a bank wearing a Winne the Pooh sweatshirt.* I am not sure why this is news; presumably the "Winnie the Pooh bandit" will change clothes, making his sweatshirt a poor primary clue for catching him, but let's go with it.

What if it really WAS Winnie the Pooh? In fact, what if the whole Hundred Acre Wood crowd decided they were tired of hunting heffalumps and eating thistles and decided to take Chicago by storm? Sick of Al Capone getting all the Chicago mafia credit, the Hundred Acre Gang hits the streets. I'm picturing them all bellying up to a bar under the El somewhere, plotting the heist. They even sound like gang names: "Piglet," "Roo," and "The Rabbit." Will police ever catch up with "Owl," the mastermind behind it all? Can Tigger control his trigger finger? Who's that on Eeyore's tail?

It all comes to a head, of course, when the gang from Farmer McGregor's garden takes Pooh and his friends down. The Hundred Acre Gang are carted off to the slammer while darn goody-goody trio Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail dine on bread and cream and blackberries for supper, as usual.

Who will write me this book?

* Why is it so cold in Chicago in August that people are wearing sweatshirts???


C.R. Evers said...

LOL! I don't think anyone but you could write this one well. :0) It's right up your alley.

Corey Schwartz said...

I would, but I am too busy writing about the bald, bare-faced bulbul bird.

The bald bare-faced bulbul bird
Bubbled for his pop
He took a look, the branches shook
He fell out with a plop

cath c said...

ditto. beatrix potter and a. a. milne would get a kick out of their innocents in criminal cahoots.

J. Thorp said...

I will! Oh, man, Jacqui -- this isn't a kids book, but a very twisted, laugh-out-loud, grown-up book starring Vinnie the Pooh, who is a gangster bear of very little brain and a ton of misplaced attitude. Tig, Piggy ... think of it!

Picture the Samuel L. Jackson moments: "Might I have a smackerel of your tasty honey? Go ahead -- bounce me again! Bounce me again, you stripey ..."

(Actually, I had a longstanding sketch on my board at my previous job of just what Vinnie the Pooh looks like ...)

Oh, this is bad. Bad, bad, bad.

Jacqui said...

Christy, I have too many ideas and not enough writing time!

Corey, I love it!

cath, you think? I always thought Beatrix liked the naughty Peter best, I guess.

Thorp, "a gangster bear of very little brain" cracks me up. Write it!