CHAPTER 45: The end of the Civil War
The scene: I am making rhubarb marmalade (don't ask). Tink and Destructo have dismantled the sofa and are jumping back and forth from the ottoman to the floor.
TINK: Good morning, Honey!
DESTRUCTO: Good morning.
TINK: Now, where is that serving girl? Serving girl, wait, pretend Ernie's my servant girl, okay?
DESTRUCTO: Ernie MY serbing girl.
TINK: We share her, because I'm Princess Vashti* and you're the prince, okay? No, wait. You're Abraham Lincoln.
DESTRUCTO: I Abaham Yinkin (falls backwards off couch cushion). Ow.
TINK: (balances on edge of ottoman, talking into pink Barbie phone**) Serving girl! Come in here! Now listen. You know I am Princess Vashti so you know for breakfast I shall have a bagel with cream cheese and a side of corn muffin. Now bring me my phone (hangs upside down off edge of couch to pull phone from wherever it's hidden from Destructo).
DESTRUCTO: Honey?
TINK: Yes?
DESTRUCTO: I going to jump around.
TINK: Okay, Abraham Lincoln (who does indeed jump around like a rabid jackrabbit, ending up panting in a heap at the other side of the room).
TINK: Now, servant girl, we have to talk about the problem of the Civil War. Because I am a fair princess and I don't like it. Get me Abraham Lincoln on the phone. Hello? Abraham Lincoln? This is Princess Vashti. We need to have no more war. So you stop the war and figure out a way for both sides to win so nobody feels bad, okay? I order you to do that. Abraham Lincoln, do you hear me?
DESTRUCTO: I eating some 'nack (eats something, I have no idea what, from behind pretend kitchen).
TINK: No, there is no time for snack. Do it now. There, it's decided (tosses Ernie doll to her brother). You can have the servant girl. I need a nap (lays down with hand on forehead, then lifts head to look at brother). Did you do it?
DESTRUCTO: Yeah.
TINK: Mom! I just ended the Civil War. Good night.
Now, if only we had Queen Vashti and Abraham Lincoln in the Middle East.
*Presumably the daughter of Queen Vashti from the Purim story, who defied the king and was banished.
** Which mysteriously appeared in my house one day without explanation, sparking daily battles for its use amongst my kids. Darn anti-feminist house elves.
Friday, May 29, 2009
History: How it really happened
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
5 comments:
it's great when the major writing distraction gives you stunning material, isn't it?
just so you know, in my house we have other historic eras, including interplanetary future events covered. in other words, look forward to many years of alternate histories, as my 14 and 10.75 year olds continue their enactments to this day.
but don't tell the 14yo that i told you. ;)
cath c, I'm glad to hear it; I'll be sad the day I don't hear the crazy play any more.
Are your kids like this because of you, or are you the way you are because of your kids? Whichever is the case, I love it. Especially the bagel and the corn muffin, mentioned in the same breath.
If I were in Scotland, I'd be making rhubarb marmalade RIGHT NOW -- it's fantastic, uses up all the superfluous rhubarb, and even my finicky kids loved it (all that sugar). (Do you use lemon & orange peel and ginger in yours?) Wish I had me some here...
and maybe that's why i had kid#3 at 42. she 'll graduate hs when i'm 60..til then, loads of fun! and then it's grandchildren....
Aah, Mary, the eternal question! Sadly, my rhubarb marmalade was unbearably tart. I used lemon and orange peel and I think maybe it tasted like it was supposed to, but to my mind it needed a cup of brown sugar or something.
Post a Comment