Friday, July 11, 2008

The Adventures of DQHIT Woman

In which I lament that my life is a series of narrowly avoided snafus.

I took this quiz, inspired by Tabitha to discover what superhero I am.

Now, these quizzes have the failings of all standardized tests: they can’t possibly account for my genius and complexity. I had the vague sense that I might be “SuperWriter” or “Captain Always Reshelves Her Own Books Correctly” or even “The Grammarian.” Apparently I am Wonder Woman.

I do not feel like Wonder Woman. I used to, actually. These days, I am more like Doesn’t Quite Have It Together Woman,

Maybe that is the book I need to write.

The Adventures of Doesn’t Quite Have It Together Woman

Faster than, um, dial-up?
More powerful than the water pressure in her shower,
Able to leap over piles of discarded toys in a single bound,
Armed only with a laptop, a penchant for words and the cell phones numbers of better mothers who remember when picture day is,
Haunted by the memory of when she used to consider herself competent and by her agent’s suggestion that she get to those revisions as soon as possible,
Doesn’t Quite Have It Together Woman roams the wilds of Ann Arbor in her trusty, smelly Prius,
Trying to drive the five miles to camp before it closes in two minutes while jotting notes for her young adult novel and averaging 50 mpg,
Leaving happy children, Cheerios and bits of paper with important numbers written on them in her wake.

Her mission?
Keep Ann Arbortropolis and children everywhere safe from bad writing,
Keep the cats safe from Captain Destructo’s mighty grasp,
Amuse the online masses with her thoughts on police beavers, picture books, and Moby Dick.
Keep herself from going from DQHIT Woman to Straight-Up Batty Girl,
And, um, there was something else, but she forgot it.

Look! Jogging along Main Street in the rain with no umbrella!
It’s a strange bird!
It’s barely sane!
It’s Doesn’t Quite Have It Together Woman!

Sigh. Back to revising…

6 comments:

beth said...

Hello! I saw your comments on YAYA (I want to be a Markus Zusak groupie, too!)

I just took the quiz--I'd be Spider Man :) But I teach high school, and once dressed up as the Mighty Grammarian!

Diane T said...

I thought I might be Procrastination Girl, or the Lone Apostrophe Crusader, but evidently I'm Spiderman: "You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility."

Well, at least they got the "geeky" bit right.

J. Thorp said...

I came up Spiderman. "Geeky and responsible," it said. Essentially the same guy I was in middle school.

Jacqui said...

Beth, welcome! Wow; I want to be the Mighty Grammarian. I am trying to picture your costume...

Diane, I am stunned you weren't Renaissance Woman.

Jim, I am giggling now.

Tabitha said...

Wow, a Spiderman majority. On my blog, everyone was Superman. Well, everyone except me and Jacqui... Funny how different blogs are bring different trends. :)

J. Thorp said...

Great. I made the girls giggle then, too. Not in a good way.