How We Celebrate Hanukkah At My House

an original blog play in three acts

Act I: Why I Want To Growl At People Who Ask My Jewish Kids If Santa Is Coming
Destructo awakes, rubs his sleepy eyes, and looks out the window.
DESTRUCTO: Snow!
JACQUI: Yes, it's snowing. Hurrah!
DESTRUCTO: Santa come today!
JACQUI: Huh?
DESTRUCTO: Santa come when it snows.
JACQUI: Well, kind of. He comes on Christmas.
DESTRUCTO: It Kissmas!
JACQUI: No.
DESTRUCTO: But it SNOWING!
JACQUI: It's almost Christmas. But today is a special holiday too. Do you know what?
DESTRUCTO: Kissmas?
JACQUI: No, it's HANUKKAH. And you know what that means?
DESTRUCTO: Santa comes!
JACQUI: No. We get to have a Hanukkah party. In fact, we get to have a party every night for the next eight nights.
DESTRUCTO: (warming to the idea) Wif treats?
JACQUI: Yup. And games and prizes and chocolate coins!
DESTRUCTO: Hurrah!
JACQUI: And tonight, you get to open a present --
DESTRUCTO: From Santa!
JACQUI: (bangs head on menorah)

Act II: Things Tink Is Not Getting For Hanukkah
JACQUI: So, Tink, anything special you want for Hanukkah?
TINK: A dog.
JACQUI: Ha! I mean, um, maybe. Anything else?
TINK: A guinea pig. Or a hamster. Something in that family.
JACQUI: Is that the small rodents that smell family?
TINK: Guinea pigs don't smell.
JACQUI: Rarely have less true words been spoken.
TINK: What?
JACQUI: Nothing. What else?
TINK: A snake.
THOR: No way.*
TINK: A lizard, a turtle, a tree frog.
JACQUI: Tink, what do you want for Hanukkah that isn't alive?
TINK: Nothing. How about a cat?
JACQUI: We have two cats. You can have them.
TINK: But I want a new cat.
JACQUI: I tell you what. I'll get them groomed and bathed and you can start being in charge of them.
TINK: They'll be my cats?
JACQUI: They'll be your cats.
TINK: I get to rename them.
JACQUI: Sure.
And that is how my twelve year-old cats, who thought they couldn't fall any further into cat purgatory, got new names. Meet "Shimmer"

and "Hairball." The look on Shimmer's face should sum up his feelings on this matter.

* Note: Thor has an abiding and unmanly fear of snakes.




Act III: Peace on Earth, Donut to All

TINK: Mama, we talked about "Shalom" at Hebrew School today. It's cool how it means peace and hello and goodbye.
JACQUI: Yeah. It's like you're wishing people peace every time you say hello.
TINK: Donut.
JACQUI: What?
TINK: I want a donut.
JACQUI: Oh, I thought you were wishing me donut.
TINK: Hee hee. I was wishing me donut.
JACQUI: Well, donut to you too. Oh, that felt good. I am definitely doing this from now on.
TINK: Me too. Nice talking to you. Donut.
(they crack up)
So, throughout this holiday season, Tink and I will be saying "donut" instead of hello or goodbye or peace. Because we can all use more donut in the world.

Happy Hanukkah, and donut to all of you.

Picture Book Mamas, a list

In honor of Mother's Day, I thought, well, I thought I'd run away to the Bahamas with a suitcase full of books and Chompo bars, but that didn't happen.* So instead, I bring you a Respect the Mighty Picture Book Mother's Day moment:

Three Picture Book Mamas You Have to Love

1. Frances's mother (from A Baby Sister for Frances or A Birthday for Frances,** by Russell Hoban, illus. Lillian Hoban)
Frances pitches a fit because Mom forgot the raisins. Frances shakes a coffee can full of rocks while the baby's sleeping. Frances catches Mother and Father self-medicating with cake and asks to share. Does Mother put the baby lock on the outside of the cabinet to which Frances runs away? No. The woman is a rock of patience. And yet, you get the sense she and Father laugh at Frances. A lot.




2. Patrick Edward's mama (from Monster Mama, by Liz Rosenberg, illus. Stephen Gammell)
She's a monster, but she loves him with "the sweetest touch in the world." Monster Mama and I are kindred spirits in the "turn into a raving lunatic if someone hurts your kids" thing. And yes, she understands the value of a tasty cake.***

I also love her because Publisher's Weekly called her an "impish-faced woman experiencing a decidedly bad hair day and needing a manicure." Um, that's me every day.




3. Mama Llama (from Llama Llama Red Pajama, by Anna Dewdney)
Yeah, we're still obsessed with this one in our house. Picture books need more mamas with some attitude, I think. Enough of this, "If you turn into a sailboat, I will be the wind and blow you where I want you to go" and more "Baby llama, what a tizzy!/ Sometimes Mama Llama's busy."

So who did I miss? Who's on your list?





* Other ways I am not celebrating Mother's Day include starting Captain Destructo's baby book and having a moment's peace.
** Confession: I hate Bedtime for Frances (plugs ears to avoid hearing the screams). Yes, well, come talk to me when YOU have had to read Bedtime for Frances every single night for several months. Do you know how long that book is?! Plus, I am guessing you have forgotten that Frances only finally goes to bed after her father threatens to wallop her.
*** Note to graduate students: do you notice the frequency of cake in these stories? There is a thesis here. You should write it. Or you should go bake me some cake.

The first of May

Holy cow, there is way too much to celebrate today! Let's get to it.

1. It's May! This weekend we shall hide the winter coats and corduroy and pull out the open toe shoes.

2. It's Buy Indie Day! Go buy a book from your local indie. Even if you don't go buy, consider linking to the IndieBound site instead of or addition to Amazon at your blog or website. I am going over to Nicola's later to get a few things. Hmm. What shall I buy? Maybe...


3. ... Moon Zoo, by England's first female poet laureate, Carol Ann Duffy. After passing over Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Christina Rossetti, it's nice to see they now have their heads screwed on straight. Has anybody read Moon Zoo? It looks gorgeous.

4. Or maybe I will buy Catch-22, which I have never read. It's Joseph Heller's birthday. Imagine if you wrote a book that was so good that the title became a widely-used idiom. Crazy. Also, he was a pretty good writer, I hear (begins list for next project involving books she should have read a long time ago).

5. But the biggest thing to celebrate today involves a writer far more brilliant and dedicated than Heller or Duffy. Yes, it's me. Today marks the one year birthday of this blog. Read here to see how it all started, and for directions on starting your own blog. I considered doing BIG BIG BIG things here in Jacqui's Room to celebrate, but...

6. ... I have only three more chapters to write and Ant's first draft will be done, so I am writing madly. Of course, some of it is, um, all "This is where they find the thing and then something happens." But still!

Have a happy first of May.