Thursday, August 14, 2008

I'll Sic My Grandmother On Her

I am back. Woo-hoo! Hearts to Steve from At&T, who braved the spider-filled crawl space under my house to retrieve internet cable.

Today’s Thursday News of the Absurd Will Someone Please Write This Book Inspirational Moment (TNoftheAWSPWTBIM) is based not on news, but on something I overheard. As I write my young adult novel, I’ve been eavesdropping on the teens who congregate outside my favorite coffee shop so that I can pillage their lives for my stories develop an ear for teen patois. Earlier this week, I heard two boys, about 14 years old, have this conversation:

Boy #1: Guy, she really said that?
Boy #2: Shut up.
Boy #1: Seriously, I can’t believe she said that.
Boy #2: I said ‘Shut up!’
Boy #1: What’d you say?
Boy #2: I said, 'At least I’m not mumble mumble.' (The problem with eavesdropping is you miss the dirty parts. Suffice it to say, whatever #2 said, it was hilarious; they both cracked up.)
Boy #1: She’s gonna kill you.
Boy #2: Nah, I’ll sic my grandmother on her.
Boy #1: (now serious) Yeah. How many people she killed now?
Boy #2: They think six.
Boy #1: They caught her yet?
Boy #2: Nah.

WHAT?! No, really. WHAT?!

Oh, wow. A fourteen year-old boy, with no luck in love, and a grandmother on a multi-state killing spree. Will somebody PLEASE write me this book? No, forget it. This one, I want to write. Forget I said anything. Go back to your own writing. Nothing to see here…


cindy said...

hahaha! you crack me up, jacqui!

Alison Ching said...

Good incorporation of the word "patois", which is, IMHO, sadly underused in everyday speech :).

Jacqui said...

Thanks, Cindy.

Alison, I totally agree. Also "dashing" and "penultimate."

Elise Murphy said...

Oh, I love eavesdropping! My kids have the most bizarre conversations.

So glad you're back online!

Mary Witzl said...

I'm thrilled to meet another eavesdropper. This is absolutely my number one hobby, and as I almost always have a house full of teeagers to poach from, the pickings are GOOD around here.

But I don't remember eavesdropping on anyone's conversation in which a homicidal granny was involved, so I'm pretty impressed.

Jacqui said...

Mary, I'm so glad someone else thinks it's totally bizarre!

J. Thorp said...

This is, officially, a "holy crap" moment in which one spits his or her coffee and looks all around for a little old lady with eyes like Eastwood.

Jacqui said...

Thorp, exactly!

I think in my book, the grandma has to ask someone if he "feels lucky."

Kristi Valiant said...

Woah! That is hilarious and absolutely alarming at the same time.