Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Maked! Me Maked!

In which I explain why that one last teeny tiny chapter is not yet written, but do not discuss writing at all.

In my efforts to preserve my free and nap time for writing, I will admit that I try to get many things done while pretending to play with Captain Destructo. The poor kid thinks visiting the meat counter at the grocery store is a play date.

He's outwitted me now though. He's figured out how to destroy diapers.

Every time I turn my back,* he strips, rips the tape right off the diaper (rendering it useless), kicks it off, and runs through the house screaming, "Maked! Me maked!" and cackling insanely. He is not potty-trained. I have no choice but to chase him, which delights him no end. Then, when I go to grab a new diaper, he takes off again, reaches onto the countertop and swipes anything he can reach to the floor (today's count: two tomatoes, one paring knife, a pot full of water, and my orange juice). We wrestle. I win, because I am not afraid to throw a leg over him, carefully pinning him to the ground while I re-diaper him.

"No naked," I tell him.

"No maked," he says contritely. "Socks off?"

"Yes, you may take your socks off."

I return to my task. Fifteen second pass and I hear, "Socks off. Giggle, giggle, giggle, SSQQUUIT.** Patter patter patter. Me maked!"

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

I fear the only possible end to this madness is that I lose it entirely and join him.

* And by "turn my back" I mean cast my eyes aside from him for two seconds; it's not like I ever leave him alone.
** Yes, that is the sound diaper tape makes when ripping off.


J. Thorp said...

Two words: duct tape. Duct tape never says ssqquuit! But you'll need the paring knife (or safety scissors) to change him ...

cindy said...

awww. i love CD's nickname, too. they really are so rascally, aren't they??? he sounds a smart one.

Jacqui said...

Thorp, you're a genius. Should solve the crawling out of the crib problem too, eh?

Cindy, yes. Rascally is the perfect word!

sruble said...

Another story that makes me thankful I don't have children. Kids are great, as long as I don't have to chase them around and re-diaper them all day. I just don't think I could take that ;)

Kelly said...

Awww, lil maked guy!

A friend of mine would put the one piece zipper footie jammies on backward to try to stop this for a bit.

Jacqui said...

sruble, yes, it was definitely a "you're lucky you're mine so I'm biologically programmed to find you adorable" moment.

kelly, I tried overalls but they were no obstacle. PJs backwards may be the key...

T said...

Have you tried putting the diapers on backwards? Tabs in the back. If it doesn't work, you'll at least have fun watching him master another skill!!!

Marina said...

Another vote for the duct tape. Or staples. My first used to fingerpaint the walls with the contents of her nappy once she figured out how to get it off. I was pleased when she grew out of that stage.

Jacqui said...

T, welcome! I will definitely try backwards diapers; should stall him at least.

Oh, Marina! Please don't tell Captain Destructo that! :)